Thanks for Being Creepy

Sometimes I am utterly amazed by what people...and by people, I mean men, consider to be a good pick-up line.

Today, I got what has to qualify as at least top three creepiest come-ons  I've ever gotten. Thanks to online dating sites, that ranking has become more and more competitive.

Previously, the top creepiest pick-up line went a little something like this...Several year ago, I had an eyebrow ring. (I know, I know...but in my defense, it was the 90's and I was an art/film student.) I was at a bar with a friend one night, and a slightly inebriated man came up and said, "I like your eyebrow ring; it makes you look like a little girl, and that makes me want to take you home." It was confusing and creepy. How does a piercing on my face make me look, in any way, like a little girl? And more importantly, why does THAT make you want to take me home? Ick!

Pedopheliac undertones aside, this new one actually, for some reason, made my skin crawl even more. I think it was the combination of the email along with a profile expounding the importance of family, his own children, and good morals.

And now, I give you the creepiest online introduction I've ever received...

 I really am a cat type of person and I just gotta ask...
 ...can I pet your kitty sometime? Mine is getting really old and lives with my ex-wife.

EW! What woman would ever respond to that? What woman would read that and saw, "Awe, how sweet!" If you were shooting for funny, Creepy-Email-Guy, you missed the target...by miles.


To all my non-single friends out there, thank your lucky stars that you are paired up and don't need to trudge through the dark, dangerous, post-apocalyptic world of dating. It can be a scary place.