Thursday, December 30, 2010

Date Date Revolution

So I've fallen back into the the online dating cycle. I still actually think I'm not really ready to meet someone, but I'm back into it, none the less...it always seems to happen this way...I get bored and a little lonely feeling, and after a couple of nights in a row of invisibly trolling the dating sites, I pick one, update my profile a little, and then pop it up there.

At first, it's a little exciting. I keep compulsively checking it for the first few hours as the emails pour in, and I feel just a little bit like a super star, the most popular girl on the site! But I quickly realize that's it's not quantity, it's quality, and the quality isn't there. I'm getting tons of emails, but they're from the same couple of non-desirable types:

1. Guys that are old enough to be my father. Really? Really guys? Actually...Really, old men? REALLY? Do they actually think I'm going to respond? Sorry, not looking for another daddy.

2. Guys that live far away. Why are you bothering?

3. Guys who are looking to "just have fun" or for "nothing serious." To them I say READ MY PROFILE and then move on. I'm sure there are plenty of girls on here looking for a fling. I am not one of them.:)

4. Guys who are currently separated. If you have a girlfriend, a fiance, a wife, a pack of wives, a harem, or even a wife you are separated from on paper, I'm not interested. Funny as it may seem, I'd like to find someone who is actually able and available to build a life with ME.

5. Thugs. What is the deal with all the guys who look like they're part of a gang? Do I look like I'd go for a guy like that? If so, I'm seriously doing something very wrong.

Where are the quality guys? Oh! I know...NOT ONLINE DATING:)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

All I Want For Christmas Is...

Made it through yet another "single again" Christmas.

What did Santa bring me, you ask? Well, I got a lovely bout of laryngitis, a two hundred dollar vet bill for my balding cat who apparently has nothing wrong with her, and the grand opportunity to rehash my break-up with the ex on Christmas night, and try to re-explain why we weren't together.

I still don't think he gets it. Or, he gets, he just doesn't want to because that means he no longer gets to have his cake and eat it, too...me being the cake and his warped sense of "non-committed freedom" being the too:)

I still have to get through the dreaded "who will I kiss at midnight" New Years, but I never have and never will have high hopes for that holiday. Does anyone, ever, have really great plans for New Years Eve? For me and the vast majority of my friends it's always been one of those nights that you hype up and try desperately to find something cool to do, only to end up either: a. running from bar to bar in an attempt to find someplace decent to ring in the new year and magically make you feel like a part of something more than a just small building full of random, drunk strangers, or b. fall asleep alone on the couch at 10:30 p.m.

I think I'll be opting for option number 2. Much less opportunity for disappointment that way.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Hobo Watch - 2010

I'm fairly content living alone. I enjoy having everything where I want it when I want it. I like that I can leave dishes in the sink for a week and know that it bothers no one but me. I'm content with quiet, relaxing down time, and I appreciate the fact that I can walk around the house in the middle of the night singing the lyrics to Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody with no one to judge me.

Living alone definitely has its high points, but of course, there are negative aspects, as well. Living alone means that I always have to take out the garbage. Incidentally, I always have to bring it back in, too.

Living alone means that I have to kill any and all bugs. At first, this was a big issue. I used to see a spider and just stand there, staring, paralyzed by fear and completely sure that if I went toward it with a tissue or shoe it would launch itself at me like a very small but very deadly kamikazi spider. I'm happy to say I've moved past that...mostly.

And, sometimes, living alone means that I have no one to protect me from the hobos.

Let me explain...

I live in an old colonial house with a third floor walk-up attic. The door to said attic is in my bedroom. Just after moving in two years ago, I wedged a rolled up towel under that door to keep out the cold, bugs, and any other creatures that may find their way up there. Of course, at the time, I never considered that hobos might be on that list of creatures.

For two years, that towel has remained in place. I have never moved it. The cat has never moved it. I'm pretty sure that no random house guests have ever moved it. Yet, two days in a row now, I have come home and found that towel pulled away from the door and laying in the middle of the floor.

Now, of course, several things could be causing the towel to move...

1. The cat - This seems like the most obvious answer, except that in over two years she has never once bothered with that towel, so why would she do it now, and why two days in a row?

2. A ghost - We've all seen poltergeist, right? Paranormal Activity, anyone? We know how this goes...first the towel moves a few times, then lights go on and off...things continue to escalate, and...well...let's just say that it can only end in tears.

3. Hobo - This is actually the one I'm going with. I believe that a crazy hobo has found his way into my house and up into my attic, to escape the cold, snowy weather. He comes out after I go to work, and then goes back up before I get home, but he can't replace the towel once he goes back up because he's on the wrong side of the door.

Makes total sense, right?

It's not the cat, it's not a ghost...it's a crazy hobo! Unfortunately, if it is a hobo, it's going to be a little harder to get rid of him than it is to smoosh a spider.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Have a Holly Jolly Christmas

Day 27

All house plants are present and accounted for, AND the three Christmas cacti are actually blooming...I know that's what you were all desperately wondering about:)

Also, for the record, I just had to look up the plural of cactus.

So, I'm almost a month back into the single life, and this is what I have learned...

1. Meeting good dating candidates in your 30s is considerably harder than in your 20s. The pool is smaller, my bait is getting stale, and the fish that are left have some serious mutations and contaminations going on.

2. Breaking-up right before the holidays can make a person sad, cynical and angry. Of course, this could also be a combination of the break-up, the stressful holiday season, and the winter storm I've been driving around in for the last few days, but I think I have to finally admit to myself that getting inordinately angry at the vending machine for not taking my dollar, or hating every happy couple that passes by might have a little something to do with the whole single-again phenomenon.

Although, for the record, the vending machine SHOULD take my dollar bill, no matter how wrinkled, faded or torn up it is!

3. I'm still not ready to meet someone. I want to be ready, I should be ready, I'm ridiculously tough on myself for not being ready, but the idea of going out and trying to meet someone, or, more accurately, sitting at home and emailing strangers online, is painful and scary, and leaves me with the feeling like I'm cheating, which is annoying because I have a right...nah, an obligation! to move on.

4. The holidays, with their oh-so-jolly parties, and gathering and get-togethers, and pot-lucks, and sit-downs, and happy-hours, and open houses, and group lunches, and fancy dinners, and treat-sharing, and gift-exchanging are considerably less fun when you don't have a significant other to drag to them. Plus, why do we stuff ourselves with so much food? Are we trying to fill our stomachs, or the sad little holes in our heart? Remember, little elves, cookies can't love you back:)

5. Driving on an overly congested street during a snow storm is not the time to be sticking your arm and half of your head out the window to try to clear the snow off of your windshield that you were too lazy to brush off before embarking on your little drive. This really has nothing to do with being single, and it wasn't me that was doing this, but rather the guy in the car next to me on yesterdays drive home, who kept swerving into my lane.

And in that case, I think my anger had more to do with utter human stupidity than anything else:)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Like an FTP

Day 17

Well, unfortunately, due to bad weather, speed dating was postponed until January. Very disappointed, and only slightly relieved:)

Survived unexpected phone call from Him at work, today. It was surprising, confusing, and full of painful, awkward silences. The bad thing? It was clear that nothing has changed on his end. The good thing? It was clear that nothing has changed on his end.

Things are what they are and there is no room to pretend otherwise.

With that, I give you the amusing quote of the day...

(Sending files to a friend with an ftp client)
Friend: Turns out the ftp-server says, "hey, I'm crazy insecure. Please don't connect to me right now."
Me: The server and I are a lot alike:)

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Out of the Frying Pan

Day 16

Dear time: Thank you for doing your magical little healing thing.

I've made it safely out of the weepy, sad, angry phase...for the most part...and into the "perhaps I'll just stay single and drama-free forever" phase.

And to celebrate, tomorrow I will be trying speed...wait for it...dating! That's right, speed dating. I have no desire to meet a guy right now, so it's the perfect time to try something that I've always wanted to check out without feeling sad and pitiful when I go home alone. It think it's like a train wreck, or The Jersey Shore...It's horrible, but I can't look away.

It will be, either, an evening of ridiculous amusement, or an evening of painfully dull and awkward conversations at 6 minute intervals.

Well, probably a little bit of both.