The Games We Play

I've been thinking a lot lately about dating, and the games people play. 

You'll never hear someone say, "I really prefer to get to know the false you, fall in love, and THEN learn how crazy you really are."

No one will say that, but we all do it. You'd be hard-pressed to find an online dating profile that says, "I'm an up-tight, neurotic basket-case with emotional baggage and daddy issues." In the beginning, we wouldn't be caught dead in that ragged old t-shirt we like to sleep in, or with a sink full of dishes and clothes on the bedroom floor.

Instead, we all walk a tightrope of trying to really getting to know someone without showing our true, deep, dark colors. Some say dating is like an interview process. I think dating is more like trying to play Euchre with a new partner. You have to try to learn each other's tells, read your partner's hand, figure out when to trump high and when to go-it-alone.

It is difficult and tiresome, and you usually lose in the end.

It isn't until we're in full-on relationship mode that we let things go. It isn't until that point that we stop waking extra early to brush our teeth before slipping back into bed, stop cleaning the entire home every time he comes over, or actually go "number two" while she's in the house.

It isn't until we are safely and securely ensconced in a relationship that we really start to be who we truly are.

So why do we do it? Why must we play these games? Why can't we just say what we mean, and act as we feel? Why must we wait to call, play hard-to-get, and question how soon too soon is for the first kiss, the first over-night, or the first time meeting friend? Why can't we just be ourselves, for better or worse? Why is that so terrifying?

Okay, so I'm not going to suddenly stop dolling myself up for a first date, or cleaning the bathroom before a new guy comes over, but I would like to think that maybe, just maybe I could stop questioning and second-guessing and just go with the flow. I'd like to believe that I can just enjoy each moment, without over-thinking and analyzing it, that I can be just as available as I want to be, and that maybe, just maybe, I'll find a guy who happens to enjoy my own special brand of crazy for what it is.