Me: So which weekend do you want to go to New York City?
Him: I can't do this.
Me: You don't have any free weekends in December?
Him: No, I mean us. I'm just not ready to be committed to someone right now.
Aaaaaaaaaaaand....Single.
I hate this part. I want it to be three months later. I want to be beyond the whole breaking up extravaganza, past the "I miss him, I miss him not" phase, and over the part where the thought of him and us and every nice memory doesn't make my stomach churn. I want to be unafraid that I could break into tears at any given time. I want to not check my phone twenty times a day, hoping he texts and then feeling angry if he does and more angry if he doesn't. I want to think of him without pain or heartache or what-ifs or if onlys.
I want to be over this.
But then, of course, once that happens, I will be thrust back into the world of dating. I will trade the mourning sadness of an ended relationship for lonely nights alone on the couch with my cat. I will exchange disappointment from the loss of Him to disappointment of one dead end first date after another. I will dress up and force myself to go out into the snow and the wind and the cold, cruel singles world, again and again, in search of that elusive knight in shining armor. I will, to my own horror, peruse the online dating sites, sending winks and smiles and emails to guys who will inevitably turn out to bore, disappoint, or completely creep me out. I will fill out the online profiles, pay the fees, check my messages and go on dates. I will periodically grow tired and weary. I will pull my profile down and decide to take a break, only to undoubtedly put it back up days or weeks later when my disillusionment fades just enough for me to give it another go.
Can't wait.
No comments:
Post a Comment