Am I a Mean Girl?

I make fun of a lot of guys a lot of the time on this blog…but I think I’m relatively kind about it…I never call people out or write about anyone that would be easily recognizable by the readers. Nevertheless, I realize that I can be a little mocking and biting from time-to-time. I was keenly reminded of that fact the other day when someone that I am newly dating informed me that he’d found and read my blog and my first thought was not “how did he find it,” or “did he like my writing,” but rather, “Uh-oh, does he think I’m a mean girl now?” I’d like to think that most people would understand and enjoy the humorous tone that my blog is written in, but you never know how someone will take it, and I realize that not everyone appreciates sardonic or sarcastic humor. 

In this case, however, we were out to dinner post-reading, so apparently he didn’t mind the level of snark that exists on Another One Bites the Dust. I’ll bet it was a bit of surprise when he found it, though.

So, in a shallow attempt to atone for a bit of my man-mocking, I thought I’d regale you, instead, with a few recent blurbs in which I was actually the one deserving of some mockery.

As I mentioned, I am dating someone new, and so far it’s actually going really well. No big red flags, no little issues. I say that almost hesitantly, because I can’t believe how well it’s actually going. Every time I mention it to someone I get a big stupid smile on my face, and I find myself bringing him up in conversation just to talk about him and smile more…which is so incredibly annoying of me! And while a part of me is enjoying it immensely, the jaded part of me that has slowly eaten away at the naïve romantic is being cautiously optimistic. Plus, every time I call my mom I can tell that she’s nervously answering the phone, waiting for me to say another one bit it. 

But, so far so good. I’m smiling, I’m enjoying myself…and unfortunately I’m also embarrassing myself, over and over. Suddenly, the smooth, suave, self-assured serial dater has morphed into a stumbling, bumbling, silly girl, a la every bad romantic comedy you’ve made the mistake of sitting through. 

For instance, our second date – I had a great time, good conversation, laughed a lot, listening to good music, had good food and drinks. Then he drove me back to my car (at the first venue of the evening). He said he had a good time, I concurred and thanked him. He asked for another date, which, incidentally, got him extra bonus points. (Take note, guys, securing the next date while still on the previous date is a good move.) And then he leaned in for the good-bye hug. Only I thought he was going for the first kiss…so I went for the kiss, and only realized at the last second that I had misread his move. By then he realized I was going in for the kiss, but I turned my head away as he turned in, and I pretty much ended up smacking the side of my face into his lips. Very romantic. We laughed, he insisted he was trying to be a gentleman, and I turned ten shades of red and felt like a big old hussy. He tried to salvage the moment and kiss me, but by then I just felt ridiculous and couldn’t stop laughing. 

A few days later, while driving home from work, I tried to use Siri on my iphone to text my friend Rachel (Hi, Rachel!) and let her know I would pick her up at 7:30 instead of 7 for a concert that night. Seri recited my message back and then confirmed that it was sent…only she didn’t send it to Rachel, she sent it to Him! I’m not sure why or how, but the digital bitch sent it to him instead, and immediately, in the middle of rush hour traffic, I found myself trying to do damage control. His quick response was, “Ha! Where are we going?” and my main fear was that he would think I was texting another guy – which, incidentally, I think he did think, but for the record I was not. Not a big deal, and certainly not the end of the world, but definitely not something cool, suave dating girl would do. I am much more technologically-savvy, especially when it comes to dating protocol, but sadly Siri was not in my side that day. She can tell me about the weather, and find a nearby store, but clearly she knows nothing about the etiquette of dating.

Speaking of technology mishaps, the following weekend he came by my house to pick me up for our date. After giving him a quick home tour, we stopped in the kitchen and I showed him my new work phone – a fat little thing that looks like something I would have used five or six years ago. Now, I know, I’m spoiled with my iphone, Siri aside, and not everyone has fancy smart phones…though once you have one it’s hard to understand why everyone doesn’t, and I worked for a cell phone company in the hay day of the new technology, so I may be a bit of a mobile device snob, but really, the little phone I got for work, which is mostly for texting and making calls while traveling, is a sad little piece of mobile electronics. So, I held it up and showed him the ridiculous graphic menu and how tiny the screen was. Then he held up his phone, a funny look on his face, and I realize he had the exact same phone that I was making fun of. 

Come to think of it, I’m not entirely sure why this guy is still dating me. I’m kind of a jerk. I mean, I’m awesome, most of the time, but occasionally, I can be a real jerk!