Of Geese and Men

I’m baaaaa-ack. 

It’s been brought to my attention that I have not yet blogged in 2012, and I’m sure you’re all missing my great and wonderful musings…all three of you that regularly read this blog. And may I point out that my mother, who I have given the blog link to on multiple occasions, and who is a big proponent of me and my [non-existent] writing career, is not, in fact, a regular reader. I think that maybe she’s afraid she’ll glean a bit too much tawdry information from one of my date stories, tarnishing the “good girl” image she has of me, but I think that we can all agree this blog is not a catalog of sex-capades, a la Sex in the City. Maybe I would have more readers if it was…or if I didn’t go three months without posting…but alas I never kiss and tell – unless it’s really funny.

So, what have I been doing these last three months, you ask? I’ve actually been quite busy for someone who usually hibernates through the winter months. I’ve started a new job, where people are simultaneously very friendly and very segregated into their own little groups (and most of my group is not at my location), and where each morning I am forced to access the building via a gauntlet of honking, hissing geese and the subsequent piles of goose poop. There are, and this is not an exaggeration, several hundred geese currently occupying the pond behind the building and the lovely, park-like surroundings. It must be the beginning of mating season because they seem to be doing their little mating dances and pairing off.

Goose mating appears to be much easier than the human version. Maybe we should dispense with our dating rituals and take a cue from the geese. They are monogamous and mate for life – no cheating or divorce for the feathered Canadians, though I feel bad for the female who chooses the loud, aggressive asshole gander – she’s stuck with him. Courtship consists of a female seeing a male goose across the pond and dipping her neck up and down. Eventually, after the males have all shown off enough, the female chooses who she wants. It might take the male a little while to realize he’s been chosen (I guess male geese are as clueless to signals as male humans) but eventually he’ll figure it out. That’s when they get into showing off a bit, extending the neck, rolling their heads in an alluring yet demure way (she is still a lady, after all), and then lifting the wings and flapping (but she knows how to get wild).

Actually, if you think about it, goose mating isn’t really all THAT different from what we do. Think of, if you will, a dance club. You have the ladies on the floor and the men strewn around the perimeter. She locks eyes with one she likes and starts to throw him signals. Eventually he realizes she’s digging his jive and he heads toward her to dance, or in the case of uncoordinated white boys, sway awkwardly with a sheer lack of rhythm while trying to shout small talk over the deafening thump and screech of the music. She might tilt her head, roll her neck a bit toward him, and she’s definitely flashing a bit of what’s hidden under the feathers. Then, eventually, they pair off on their own, leaving the leftover singles to continue the ritual or perish alone in the harsh winter.

So, apparently, one of the things I’ve been doing over the last three months is learning way too much about Canadian Geese.

Another thing I’ve been spending a lot of time on is volunteering on a committee to organize a great event for one of my favorite non-profits – Gilda’s Club Rochester’s Third Annual Bachelor Auction – Gilda’s Guys. I’m going to plug this event for a minute, so bare with me…The event itself is fantastic, and keeps getting better with each year. We have 25 very good looking guys, who are all actually interesting to talk to, as well. On March 29 we will gather at Harro East Ballroom in Rochester, NY, dress these wonderful, single guys up in tuxedos and auction them off, one at a time, in front of roughly four to five hundred women. They range in age from low twenties to upper fifties, and the winning bidder will get a one hundred dollar gift card to a local restaurant, as well as some other goodies like theater tickets, baseball tickets, and a little pre-date primping at a local spa/salon. Best of all, every dollar that we raise goes directly to Gilda’s Club Rochester, a fabulous organization that provides free support and services to cancer patients and their families. They offer support groups, play space and events for children, special events for teens, a library of research and support books, cooking and craft classes, and so much more. If you’re not familiar with them, check out their site - http://www.gildasclubrochester.org . And hey, if you’re a single woman in the area or you  really enjoy a fun night out with some fantastic people watching, you can buy tickets to the event or just donate to the cause on the site, as well. 

Now, you’re probably saying, hey Jen, why don’t you just buy a guy there? And sure, that sounds like a great idea, but the truth is that I actually have this horrible, perhaps semi-irrational fear that if I did buy a bachelor he would look at me and go “oh crap!” I know, I know, I’m being too hard on myself and assuming the worst, and these guys are all so nice that I’m sure none of them would think that…or at least they wouldn’t let on that they think that, but I suppose it’s best that I leave the bidding up to the other ladies. I will admit I do have my eye on one or two, but I will, no doubt, be running around working the event all night and be far too busy [afraid] to bid. If I have any friends out there, though, [hint hint, nudge nudge] that want to come on down and buy me a date – I welcome and encourage it!

Besides the new job and the auction, I’ve been doing a few other things too, like participating in a two-month fitness challenge, indirectly causing a pretty big traffic back-up on a local expressway, and I’ve been on a couple of dates…but you weren’t really interested in that, were you? Truthfully, the dates themselves weren't all that interesting. I went out with a guy from the old job a few times (after leaving said job) before he suddenly pulled a disappearing act (something that I was more than okay with) on the same day that a crazy girl contacted a friend of mine to get the skinny on my situation with him and insist that he had a girlfriend (which I actually don't believe was true). Can we say drama? She wanted to warn me off, and though I didn't bother with a real response, I wanted to say, "girl, you can have him." Then I ran into him again a few weeks later, and he spent more time hitting on my guy friend than talking to me, which was really awesome on so many levels. So, then I let my sister pick out a guy, who seemed nice, at first, but with whom I ended up feeling like I was in a constant verbal boxing match with after only two dates! No chemistry, almost nothing in common, and flirty banter that got way too aggressive and combative - just what everyone is looking for in a date. 

And so, for now, with the budding of spring and the onslaught of wonderful, warm weather, the search for Mr.-Not-Completely-Horrible continues.